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20121121
20121129
STATION
COM 16
LANGUAGE
English 16
Search Results 0 to 15 of about 16 (some duplicates have been removed)
Comedy Central
Nov 20, 2012 11:30pm PST
right, let's-- ah, let's do this. um, so, if i have to, i have to. let's talk about the big election. last night, due to the technicality called the constitution, barack obama was re-elected president. though-- ( cheers ) ( applause ) uh. ( bleep ) you. ( laughter ) ( applause ) now, folks, keep in mind, keep in mind, this was no landslide, folks. it was like a 51-49er, okay. just because obama won the blue states up here, he's the president of all of them now? romney won all that red stuff. why don't we elect our president on square footage, because romney won some big states, folks, whole damn south. louisiana, n'awlins loves mi-rawmnah. but, but, evidently, here's the deal. of the nine key swing states, balm won eight. i don't-- i mean how-- even pennsylvania. despite the fact that after a week of hurricane sandy, thousands of amish remain without power. ( applause ) anyway, anyway, obama won. america is done. it's over! jimmy, roll the credits. ♪ ♪ ( "america the beautiful beauti) ( cheers and applause ) i'll tell you, folks, there's a simple reason why america is over. beca
Comedy Central
Nov 20, 2012 7:00pm PST
. presidential elections of 2012 is finally over. after two years of relentless poll analysis, electoral map swiping, undecided voter dial testing and being forced to use the word "cuyahoga" in a sentence -- (laughter) -- we can finally take a breather. just relax with a nice soothing cup of camomile breeze and just let it all -- >> do you think it's too early to talk about 2016? we don't think so. (gunshot) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: (bleep) you! i've had it! i'm a human being goddamnit! i have rights! can't we just move on to some other aspect of our lives? not everything is a constant contest for political advantage! america's facing some serious problems! there are times to run and then there are times to govern! we need to come together, let it go, move on, god! (applause) (laughter) so what are the numbers? >> the public policy polling survey asked iowa democrats and republicans last week whond they would like to see as their nominee. for the democrat, hillary clinton the overwhelmingly top pick. 58%. followed by joe biden. for the republicans, their top favorites mike huckabee,
Comedy Central
Nov 21, 2012 11:30pm PST
. then obama was re-elected. do you know he is coming for our guns. how will we fight the next hurricane? (laughter) well, on friday, folks, our nation was dealt yet another blow. >> out of nowhere cia director david petraeus resigned after admitting he cheated on his wife. the other woman the person who wrote his biography, paula broadwell. >> stephen: their, he had an affair with his biographer, all-in, it appears-- it a pores that the title of chapter five anaconda-- (laughter) >> stephen: may not refer to a ground offense any afghanistan. whole different type of surge. (laughter) well, folks, this explosive revelation puts every biographer and subject under suspicion. meaning we can now say with some certainty that dora concerns goodwin banged abraham lincoln. i mean just listen-- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: just listen to what she said on my show last week. >> it's sexy, don't you think? >> stephen: you mean lincoln or daniel-day lewis. was lincoln sexy? >> i think so and i've been saying it for years but everybody thought i was crazy. >> stephen: you pulitzer prize winning wh
Comedy Central
Nov 26, 2012 11:30pm PST
: white house, people think tapper. what other stories, now that the election is over, where has the news moved to right now because i did about two minutes on the fact that they are not charging their cell phones on homeland tonight. >> that was a good point, good point. >> stephen: well, thank you. the peabody people are watching i'm ready to submit. what's everybody talking about? >> the fiscal cliff. >> stephen: fiscal cliff, yeah. >> trillions of dollars of spending cuts and tax increases that are going to happen when the ball drops on new year's eve unless president obama and congress come to some sort of compromise. >> stephen: all right so, we're all doomed. >> it's like the movie thaw you have to either cut off your arm or die. so they will come-- they will cut off their arm. >> stephen: do you know, do you know what kind of ratings the news could get if they could get politicians to cut off their arms on camera? okay. -- (cheers and applause) >> stephen: as i said senior white house correspondent for abc news. the only news anybody watches any more. >> i think that's true. >> st
Comedy Central
Nov 27, 2012 11:30pm PST
on that promise. and won the election. (laughter) it's like he's totally disregarding my dismissive finger quotes. what part of this don't you understand president "o" bama. (laughter) here's what's really scaring me, folks. republicans might let him do it, even though every remember in congress has signed the new taxes pledge created by the president of americans for tax reform, grover norquist. (thunder clashes) the two most terrifying words a republican can hear other than "buenos dias." (laughter and applause) but now some republicans are abandoning the anti-tax pledge as fast as they abandoned -- oh, what's his name? (laughter) i got it, don't help me, don't help me. rip flambe. (laughter) no, no, that's my personal train trainer. (laughter) no, the point is conservatives are jumping ship. >> i want to buy down debt and cut rates that create jobs but i will violate the pledge, long story short, for the good of the country. >> i'm not obligated on the pledge. the only thing i'm honoring is the oath that i take when i serve -- when i'm sworn in this january. >> a pledge you signed 20 years ago
Search Results 0 to 15 of about 16 (some duplicates have been removed)